The Wedding Planners
by baby-filly
Summary: Naruto and Sakura are getting married. They weren't counting on pink cowboy suits, murderous DJs, flashing marquees and Gaara's speech...This is as bad as weddings get! M for safety. NaruSaku oneshot. Sequel or not? Please R&R.
1. Chapter 1

The Wedding Planners

**The Wedding Planners**

**A/N:**** I had quite a lot of fun writing this, hope you enjoy. This is officially the sequel to 'Something for the Grandkids, but you don't necessarily need to have read 'Something for the Grandkids' to read this. Please R&R.**

**Apart from that, shinobi probably don't get married in church, but hey: artistic licence and all that. Sakura and Naruto are twenty three.**

**Disclaimer:**** I don't own Naruto or any of the characters. I don't own 'Candy Shop' or 50 Cent.**

"Forehead, concentrate! What flowers do you want for your bouquet?" Yamanaka Ino yelled down her best friend's ear. Sakura's eyes went even dreamier.

"They're nice." She said, pointing to a weed choking the life out of a begonia plant. Ino shook her blonde head in despair.

"Focus! Your wedding is only seven days away! Come on Sakura, what is wrong with you today?" Sakura did not answer, glancing at her watch and crying out:

"Oh my Kami! I've got to go and see the baker about the cake, and they close in eleven minutes and five seconds! I'll be back in an hour or so, okay, Pig?" With that, Sakura dashed across the flowerbeds, scattering petals and leaving a bemused Ino behind to shake her head at her workaholic friend.

Sakura sprinted along to the bakery, which was unfortunately situated at the other end of Konoha town centre. She didn't notice Hyuuga Neji until she crashed right into him.

"Sakura? Are you okay?" He asked. Sakura looked up at him.

"Not really. I have to get to the bakery in…two minutes and forty-seven seconds. Oh Kami!" Neji grabbed hold of her shoulders before she could go tearing off again. He looked thoughtful for a moment, before saying:

"Come with me, and speak to Hinata. She actually really wanted to make the wedding cake, you know, but she was too shy to ask." Sakura looked stricken.

"Oh, Neji, I never knew." Sakura felt very guilty: she had completely forgotten how good Hinata was at cooking, and how much she enjoyed doing things such as this. "Do you think she'd mind making the cake for us?" Neji shook his head.

"Of course not." Sakura smiled hr gratitude, and allowed Neji to drag her back to the Hyuuga compound to clear it up with Hinata. The shy heiress was only too pleased to be chosen for the important task.

"Now, you'll have to come and speak to me about icing, designs and the other details." Hinata voice had a new confidence to it. "We've all got the dress-fitting tomorrow at eleven," Sakura groaned – she had forgotten all about that, "So what if you come back here with me after that?"

"Yeah, great, Hinata. Thanks." Hinata could see the stressed kunoichi only half-processed the words, and made Neji write the appointment down on a sheet of paper for the flustered bride-to-be, so it did not come as a surprise to her.

"See you tomorrow at the dressmaker's." Hinata called as Sakura ran off, heading back to the florists with one weight off her mind. _One down, nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-nine to go. _

**XOXOX**

"ARGH! There is no way in hell that is my dress! NO FREAKING WAY AM I WEARING THAT MONSTROSITY!" Yamanaka Ino had just spotted the dress she was supposed to wear for Sakura's wedding. Sakura looked at the dresses the assistant was carrying.

"I ordered pale blue dresses for them, not canary yellow." She told the woman, who looked at her blankly.

"Aren't you Hoshiko Kin?"

"I'm Haruno Sakura!" The feisty medic snapped, glaring at the dimwitted assistant.

"I'll, uh, go and get your dresses, Haruno-san. I shouldn't be a moment, sorry for the inconvenience." The assistant shot of down the corridor to avoid the death glares of Sakura, Ino, Temari, Tenten, and even Hinata – to a certain extent.

"I wonder how the boys are getting on?" Tenten thought aloud.

"I'm sure they're getting on better than we are." Sakura replied. If she'd have known the indignities the men were suffering, she might have taken that sentence back…

**XOXOX**

"Did Sakura really order us _these_?" Rock Lee asked doubtfully.

"Is this some twisted joke?" Neji demanded. Sasuke was the next to speak, and what he said spoke for all of them:

"We look like complete pansies!" The men felt they had every right to complain about their outfits. Kakashi tugged awkwardly at his cravat, which was slowly suffocating him.

"I think we look youthful!" Maito Gai announced. Shikamaru and Kiba snorted.

"I think we look like prats." Kiba commented. The men filed out of the group changing room, to be greeted by the male assistant.

"Are you all o – oh, my…" The man, who had seen many things in his time, could not control his laughter at the sight of the men in their attire. Gaara glared. Kankuro glared. Everyone, even Lee and Choji, the sweetest of the shinobi, glared. At that moment, the door swung open, and Naruto walked in.

There was a flash of unbearable light, which the men worked out was flashing off the hundreds of silver and gold sequins embroidered onto Naruto's very lilac tuxedo. The assistant took a sizeable step back, shielding his eyes.

"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?" Naruto yelled. The assistant did not answer. "Well? Why are we all dressed like something out of _Brokeback Mountain_, idiot?"

The men all turned in unison to regard themselves in the mirror. They were all, excluding Naruto, wearing tight, powder pink leather trousers with darker pink chaps over the top. Their suit jackets were the same shade of powder pink, only in suede, rather than leather.

Each man wore a fuchsia pink cravat around their necks, and a lime green, patent leather cummerbund around their waists. Their shoes were made of the same material as the cummerbund, and were the same shocking green.

But the worst of it had to be the salmon pink Stetsons, that had lilac tassels hanging from them. It took the shinobi a few minutes to regain enough composure to close their open mouths.

"Um, Hokage-sama…I think I maybe gave you the Kirigakure Gay Men's Choir outfits. They needed the outfits for a rendition of…"

"I don't freaking care what they need the stupid outfits for, numbskull! The only thing I know is that _we _certainly don't need them! Go and get our real order. FAST!" Naruto yelled. The assistant hastened to comply with Naruto's command. It would be very bad for business if the kyuubi made a surprise appearance and trashed the _Numataka and Sons: Men's Clothing_ store.

A phone rang. It was Naruto's. The angry blond man answered with a sharp: "Hello?" He then winced and held the phone away from his ear slightly. All the shinobi present could hear the voice of Haruno Sakura screaming down the phone. She sounded very mad.

"The stupid fucking hippie photographer just rang me. He's had an 'epiphany' overnight, and now, unless someone pays him a million ryo, he will only photograph _glamour models_!" She spat the words out with contempt. "He then went on to insult various parts of my anatomy. I think I perforated his eardrums, but I smashed the phone up before I could find out the extent of the damage."

"Um…Sakura, do you know how much that phone cost?" Naruto asked. Sakura snorted.

"I didn't like it anyway. I'm using Temari's, by the way. So now, you have to find a new photographer. Naruto, please don't let me down." Sakura pleaded, before hanging up, sounding defeated. Naruto stared at his phone a second.

"Oh crap. Where the hell am I going to find a photographer in six days?" Naruto was half appealing to the men present, half talking to himself. Genma stepped forwards.

"I used to take a lot of photos. I could do it." He offered, ignoring Kakashi's disbelieving snort. Naruto sighed.

"Okay then, I don't think I'm going to find anyone better." Naruto sighed. "Kami, if Ero-sennin had been here…"

"…We'd have had _Icha Icha Fashion Disasters_ to live down." Kakashi finished. Everyone smirked at this, despite themselves. Naruto's phone rang again.

"Hello? Oh, Baa-chan, it's you. What's the matter?" Naruto asked. He had a hunch he knew. He'd asked the former Hokage to try and find accommodation for the sand-sibs. He listened, before saying dubiously: "I don't think Sakura will be best pleased, but I'll tell her now, Baa-chan. Bye." He looked at the others.

"Tsunade says she can't find a vacant hotel room for you, Kankuro and Temari, Gaara, so you'll have to stay with us, because we have a spare room. Is that okay?" Everyone looked to the Kazekage, who nodded quickly, barely glancing at Kankuro.

"Of course." Naruto nodded, and dialled Temari's phone number quickly. Temari herself answered, not really a surprise.

"Hello, Temari. Can I speak to Sakura?" The other men strained to hear Temari's reply, which was:

"I would say yes, but at the moment, she's hyperventilating into a paper bag. What's the message?" Naruto sighed.

"It's to do with you, too." He explained the situation. "Maybe you'd best not tell her until she's recovered, though?" Temari agreed, and Naruto hung up with a hurried: "See you after, Temari. Thanks." He turned back to the pink-cowboy-suit clad men. "Let's not mention this disaster to any of the women, right?" All the men nodded in solemn agreement. "Now where's that damn assistant gone?"

**XOXOX**

"Thank you for having us." Gaara said stiffly for the ninth time that night. For the ninth time that night, Sakura smiled woodenly.

"No problem." She lied. Kankuro began tapping his fingers on the coffee table. Sakura frowned, and turned back to the television before she gave into temptation and punched him. Two and a half hours into his stay, the Kazekage's brother was seriously annoying her.

Temari walked in, holding two cups of hot chocolate, one of which she passed to Sakura, who took it gratefully.

"Naruto put five sugars in it." The blond woman notified Sakura, her tone not giving away whether she approved of this or not. Sakura nodded in response.

"Thanks, Temari." She sat back, the liquid chocolate relaxing her just a little. Naruto brought in the rest of the drinks, and they all sat down.

Sakura dug out a list, crossing out 'cake', and, with a little more reluctance, 'photographer', before returning the list to her pocket. Temari watched her with amusement in her blue eyes.

"You made a list?" Sakura nodded, handing her the list to look at it. Temari saw items such as 'marquee', 'flowers', 'dresses' and 'catering'. There were too many for Temari to want to count. She sighed. Was this really the stress that came with a wedding? It seemed like hell to her. _Poor Sakura. And Naruto._

Kankuro began tapping his feet against the laminate flooring. Temari smacked him around the head before Sakura could beat her to it. "Stop annoying everyone, loser!"

Kankuro pretended to look affronted, but stopped tapping his fingers and feet, which everyone present was extremely glad about. Sakura glanced at the clock. Temari noticed, and decided to give the pink-haired woman a little time alone with her fiancé.

"Let's go to bed, Gaara, Kankuro. It's getting late, it's, um…quarter to nine." Kankuro looked as though he was going to protest, but Gaara caught on to Temari's plan, and prodded Kankuro sharply in the back before he could say anything.

"Good idea, Temari. We're really tired after all this travelling, _aren't we_, Kankuro?" Kankuro nodded blankly. Sakura tried to hide her grin.

"See you tomorrow, Temari. Kazekage-sama, Kankuro-san." Sakura and Naruto said politely. Temari and Gaara both said goodnight in return, propelling Kankuro forcibly to his room.

Sakura waited until the sand siblings were safely out of earshot before saying mischievously:

"How about we go to bed early, too?"

**XOXOX**

"Sakura, wake up, for Kami's sake, before Tsunade-sama notices you're completely out of it!" Sakura rubbed her eyes, jumped away from the pile of paperwork she had been snoozing on, and looked up at Shizune. The woman looked a little concerned for Sakura's well-being.

"I wasn't sleeping, it's just…oh fine, I was sleeping." Sakura sighed. "I have so much to do, Shizune. Your Genma's doing the photos, right?" Shizune inhaled, and hastily said:

"He's not mine." Sakura smirked knowingly. Shizune shot her a mock-glare, and continued; "But yeah, he is doing the photos. He's really excited, like a little kid." Sakura grinned at the image of Genma as a small child.

Although Tsunade was no longer Hokage, she still worked at the hospital, and helped Naruto, the new Hokage, out a lot. Sakura didn't officially work at the hospital anymore, but she loved helping out when she had spare time, which was usually quite often. The only problem was that at the moment she didn't have _any _spare time on her hands.

"Room Five, Sakura, there's a seven year old with a broken leg and punctured lung from a car accident: civilian. It's urgent!" Tsunade swept past, and Sakura hurried off to Room Five, calling a goodbye to Shizune on her way.

When she got to Room Five, the first thing she saw was a tiny, unconscious girl lying in the centre of the room, her sobbing mother and sorrowful father standing by her bedside. She felt a tug at her heartstrings, and was over by the bed in a second.

"It's okay." She soothed. "You'll be fine." She glanced at the girl's parents. "I'm Haruno Sakura." She said as she began healing the girl's punctured lung, the most serious injury.

"Oh, are you the one who's getting married to the Hokage?" The man asked, his brow furrowing as he recognised the name. Sakura smiled slightly, murmuring:

"Yeah, I am." She worked silently until the lung was stable, and began on the break in the girl's leg. "Did Tsunade-shishou sedate her?" She asked, knowing the answer already. The woman nodded tearfully.

"Yes. She was in pain: crying…she's so small, I couldn't…" She began sobbing again, and Sakura felt her own troubles fading into insignificance comparing to this mother's. The woman's husband, looking ready to cry himself, tried to comfort her. Sakura concentrated on sorting the young girl's leg. About twenty minutes later, the girl was sleeping more peacefully, completely healed.

"She'll be absolutely fine." She told the parents wearily. "She'll probably be kept in overnight, just to make sure, but she'll be back to normal in a matter of days. She'll wake in about an hour or so. I'll tell Tsunade-shishou you're staying, shall I?"

"Yes please, Sakura-san…Thank you so much." The girl's mother told her sincerely. Sakura smiled. This was what she loved about healing.

"It's no problem, honestly. See you." She left the room feeling a little woozy. Shizune rounded the corner just in time to see Sakura faint, and fall to the floor.

**XOXOX**

"Are you okay?" Sakura felt a bright light on her face, and heard a distant, familiar voice. She opened her green eyes to see Naruto, Shizune, Genma and Tsunade standing over her. Genma had been the one who had spoken.

"Do I fucking look alright to you, Shiranui?" Sakura growled. Genma grinned at her, completely unabashed.

"Actually, to me, you look like shit, but I'm not complaining. Your ass is still hot." This time, it was Shizune and Naruto who growled at Genma.

"You fainted from exhaustion: you've been doing too much before the wedding, and expend all that chakra on the little girl wasn't the best idea. I shouldn't have asked you to come and help out today, Sakura." Tsunade cut in, before any fights broke out.

"It's okay, Shishou, I wanted to help out. I feel a little better now, anyway." Sakura told her old mentor. Apart from the slight ache in her muscles, she _was_ feeling better. Tsunade nodded, before saying:

"Good. But just to be on the safe side, you'd best go back to the Hokage's office with Naruto." Naruto and Sakura couldn't help but be amused by the sentence. If there was one place Sakura would not be able to relax in, it was the Hokage's office. But Sakura just smiled wearily.

"If I must."

"You must. We want you to have a wedding, not a funeral, okay?"

**XOXOX**

The next day was reasonably unremarkable. Sakura was instantly groggy when she awoke, the result of being kept up until half-one in the morning by Kankuro, who had decided he wanted to play I-Spy.

Naruto had already disappeared: there was a scrawled note left on the kitchen table. It read:

_Dear Saku-chan,_

_Sorry I had to leave before you woke up, but the Tsuchikage rang up: he wants to come to our wedding; he's actually travelled to Konoha. I'm going to the office to try and talk him out of the idea. The marquee people also rang: they are dumping the tent on the village green at half eleven. You should come to the office after you've seen the marquee, the Tsuchikage likes you._

_Bye, from Naruto._

"Oh crap." She said out loud. The Tsuchikage was a very old, boring man who tended to give really long speeches. He was also very deaf, and refused to wear a hearing aid. _Not_ the sort of person she wanted at her wedding. She wondered if Naruto's negotiating skills were good enough to get the Tsuchikage to stay away from the ceremony. She looked at the clock on the wall of the kitchen. It read quarter to eleven. She had overslept. "Thanks, Kankuro. Thanks a lot." She muttered to herself.

Sakura dressed quickly, and ran down to the village green to wait for the marquee's arrival. She was surprised to see Kakashi sitting under a weeping willow. She wasn't quite so surprised to see him reading _Icha Icha_.

"Hi, Sensei!" She went over to him, and he looked up.

"Hi, Sakura. Naruto said you'd be down here. He asked me if I'd tell you that the Tsuchikage can't hear a word of what everyone's saying to him, and could I wait for the marquee while you go to his office?"

"Oh, right. That man! See you, 'Kashi-sensei!" Sakura went tearing off in the direction of the Hokage's office.

When she collapsed into the foyer of the Hokage's office ten minutes later, Kotetsu ran over to her.

"Come on, Sakura-san. He's a nightmare; Naruto-sama's practically tearing his hair out." They hurried down the corridor, and into the office which held so many fond memories for Sakura.

"HELLO, TSUCHIKAGE-SAMA." Sakura addressed the grey-haired man in the middle of the room. His face lit up when he saw her.

"Hello, Sakura-chan."

"HOW ARE YOU?" Sakura continued. Naruto grinned at Kotetsu. Sakura was so good with the Tsuchikage.

"Fine, fine Sakura-chan. How are you?"

"I'M FINE, TSUCHIKAGE-SAMA. NOW, I HEARD YOU WANT TO COME TO OUR WEDDING." Sakura got down to business. Naruto stopped grinning, waiting for the Tsuchikage's response.

"Well, as the Kazekage was invited, Sakura-chan…"

"YES, WE DID SEND YOU AN INVITE." Sakura lied. "BUT IT MUST HAVE GOT LOST IN THE POST. NOW, TSUCHIKAGE-SAMA, HOW ABOUT YOU COME TO THE CEREMONY, BUT NOT THE RECEPTION? I THINK YOU'LL BE TIRED AFTER THE CEREMONY, AND I DON'T WANT YOU TO GET ILL;

YOU KNOW HOW HIGHLY I THINK OF YOU." The Tsuchikage smiled.

"Why, of course, Sakura-chan. That sounds a perfect plan to me. Now, if you'll all excuse me, I feel a little tired…"

"WHERE ARE YOU STAYING?" Naruto tried. The Tsuchikage looked at him blankly.

"Who am I slaying?"

"HE SAID 'WHERE ARE YOU STAYING'?" Sakura told the man, whose expression immediately cleared.

"In the five-star hotel on the outskirts of Konoha, my dear."

"AS LONG AS YOU'RE COMFORTABLE." Naruto said, knowing his words would fall – quite literally – onto deaf ears. He was right. The Tsuchikage stared.

"As long as I'm on the table?"

"AS LONG AS YOU'RE COMFORTABLE, TSUCHIKAGE-SAMA." Sakura said. The Tsuchikage patted her on the head, as though she were a favourite niece of his.

"So kind of you to show concern." He told her. "Now, I really must be going."

"I'LL SHOW YOU TO THE DOOR, TSUCHIKAGE-SAMA." Kotetsu said hastily. The old man gave him a strange look, saying confusedly:

"You'll stick me to the floor?" Naruto stifled a laugh. Sakura elbowed him in the ribs.

"NO, TSUCHIKAGE-SAMA, KOTETSU SAID HE'LL SHOW YOU TO THE DOOR." Sakura explained. The Tsuchikage smiled benignly once more.

"Of course, of course. Goodbye Sakura-chan, it was nice to see you again." Sakura bowed her head respectfully, and Kotetsu propelled the Tsuchikage to the door forcibly.

"BYE TSUCHIKAGE-SAMA." Sakura called after him. Naruto sighed.

"Thank Kami above that that's over." He sank into his chair. Sakura went off to make her fiancée a cup of strong, black coffee. He certainly looked as though he needed it.

The Tsuchikage was certainly one hell of a difficult man to deal with.

"I left Kakashi-sensei to oversee the marquee, so I'd best be getting back." Sakura said, handing Naruto the coffee. He nodded.

"Sure. See you later, Saku-chan. Sorry for calling for you, but he'd have been here until the end of the honeymoon if I hadn't."

"Don't worry about it." Sakura assured him. "See you later." She left the office wiping the sweat from her forehead. She wondered what disaster had befallen the marquee, and if it was major or not.

She was rather surprised to find that the marquee had been delivered without a problem.

"Iruka and I will assemble it, the day before the wedding, don't worry about that." Kakashi told her. Sakura looked at the haphazard jumble of metal poles and white sheets, and couldn't help the feeling of foreboding that crept over her.

"Is it me, or is the fact that the tent got here without any problems too good to be true?" She asked her old sensei. He laughed.

"You stress too much, Sakura. Relax a bit. The marquee will be absolutely fine, don't worry."

**XOXOX **

_Bang! Bang!_

"I'm coming!" Sakura called. She had been dusting the mantelpiece model of the yellow flash that Naruto had bought a few months previously. She dropped the duster onto the coffee table, and went to the door. Shikamaru stood there, holding a poster in his hand.

"What's the matter, Shika?" She asked.

"I didn't know if you knew or not, but I thought it would be best to come and tell you…" Shikamaru broke off as Ino flew up the staircase, followed by Neji, Genma, Kotetsu and Kakashi. They were all holding the same posters as Shikamaru.

"Look at this, Forehead!" Ino yelled, shoving the poster into her friend's hands. Sakura glanced down.

'_WE'VE GONE BUST' _was the encouraging headline. Underneath was the name of the catering company Sakura had ordered for the reception buffet, and a little _'sorry for any inconvenience' _at the bottom. Sakura kept on looking at the poster for a few moments after the message sunk into her brain.

"Inconvenience! That's the understatement of the century! Oh, what am I going to do?" Sakura wailed. All the people present stared blankly, before looking to the left, where Ayame was emerging from the top of the stairwell.

"Sakura-san, I just heard from Kiba about the catering company, so I wondered if you needed me to do the catering? I know how fond Naruto-sama is of ramen…" She trailed off, unsure of the expression on Sakura's face. She was relieved when Sakura smiled brightly.

"Oh, Ayame-san, thank you so much; that would be perfect!" Sakura was lying: a ramen buffet would be far from perfect, but it was better than having no food at all to offer her guests. "How about you all come in for a coffee?" She suggested. The shinobi piled into the apartment.

"When's the hen night, Ino-san?" Ayame asked Ino, as Sakura went into the kitchen to make the drinks. "I've forgotten, what with everything going on."

"Tomorrow night, eight 'til very late, if I have my way!" Ino replied, cackling evilly. Ayame smiled, and accepted the cup Sakura handed her.

"I heard the Tsuchikage's coming to the wedding, Sakura. Is it true?" Neji asked. Sakura nodded, and Kotetsu groaned.

"Don't remind me of _that_ episode."

"He is, but he isn't coming to the reception." Sakura told Neji, who gave a sigh of relief. The Tsuchikage considered the Hyuuga family great friends of his, and enjoyed nothing more than to engage any members he could find in a conversation that was extremely one-sided, as the old man misheard every word anyone ever said in response to his long-winded sermons. "That's how I felt too." Sakura grinned at the happier Neji. "At least he can't talk during the ceremony."

She left Neji swapping Tsuchikage horror stories with Kotetsu, Shikamaru, Kakashi and Genma, and went back over to Ino and Ayame.

"Hi." She said.

"Hi, Forehead!" Ino replied. "I was just telling Ayame the arrangements for the hen night." Sakura's eyes widened in shock.

"I'd completely forgotten about that!" She gasped. "Oh Kami, I'm getting so forgetful these days." Ino sighed patiently.

"We all are." She told the Hokage's bride-to-be. "Once this wedding's close to being over, you'll feel better." Sakura hoped that her friend's words were true, because she wasn't sure quite how much more stress she could take.

"See, I've been practising really hard on taking photos." Genma was boasting proudly. Kakashi, Shikamaru and Kotetsu sighed. "I can use the flash now!" Genma continued.

"Remind me to burn all my wedding pictures." Sakura told Ino despondently. Ino shook her head.

"They'll be fine. You'll be fine. Really." Ino didn't sound _that_ convincing to Sakura, who took a long swig of black coffee. The door opened at that moment, and Naruto walked in, doing a small double-take when he saw six people in his apartment that were not supposed to be there.

"Um…hi?" He said. Sakura explained about the catering, and the solution: Ayame. Naruto looked like a child on Christmas morning. "Woo-hoo! Believe it!" Everyone couldn't help but smile. The Hokage hadn't changed one bit.

**XOXOX**

"Sakura, um…maybe you should come and see the marquee." Iruka had rung Sakura on Kakashi's cell phone. Sakura just knew her feeling of foreboding three days ago had been justified.

It was the day before the wedding. Yesterday, Sakura had talked to Ayame about the catering, visited the Hyuuga compound to check her cake's progress, and passed out after drinking too much at her hen party. She had figured today wouldn't go smoothly, and it appeared she had been right.

"I'll be right there, Iruka-sensei." She went to take an aspirin for her banging headache, before running for the village green to see what disaster had befallen the marquee.

When she got to the green, there was a crowd gathering. Sakura pushed through them to see Kakashi slamming his fists against an incessantly flashing neon sign.

"What's going on, Iruka-sensei?" She asked, warily. Her old teacher sighed heavily.

"The switch is jammed. Stop that, Kakashi, and let Sakura-chan read the sign." Iruka told the masked man, who reluctantly got away from the sign. Sakura shielded her eyes from the flashing. After a few moments, she was able to make out the words 'Hot Girls Here: Striptease Joint'.

"ARRRRRRGH!!" Sakura couldn't help but screech. "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THOSE PEOPLE? THIS IS _NOT _A WEDDING MARQUEE!" The people in the gathering crowd tried to look sympathetic, while trying to restrain their laughter at the impossible situation. "Could I borrow your phone, Kakashi-sensei?" She asked. She dialled up a number.

"Hello? This is Haruno Sakura. The girl who is marrying the Hokage of Konoha, yes. I WANT TO SPEAK TO THE MANAGER! YES, NOW, YOU DUMBASS!" There was silence for a moment, and the crowd waited with bated breath for the next outburst. They didn't wait long. Who would have guessed innocent little Sakura had the ability to swear non-stop at the manager of a marquee company for eight and a half minutes without repeating one word?

"SO YOU CAN SHOVE YOUR STUPID TENT WHERE THE SUN DOESN'T SHINE, YOU BAS-" Kakashi grabbed the phone off her.

"I don't have _that_ much credit." He told her, putting the phone back into his pocket. Sakura turned back to the violently orange and pink flashing sign.

"Does anyone have any idea how to solve this problem?" She asked. She got blank looks from the crowd. Iruka looked uncertain for a moment, before suggesting masking tape. Sakura smiled, and dug into her pocket, bringing out a few ryo. "Would you mind going to get some, Iruka-sensei?" Iruka nodded. Kakashi glared mutinously at the sign, as if willpower alone could make it go off.

"Looks like I was right about the marquee being too good to be true." Sakura teased. Kakashi forced a chuckle.

"Guess you were." Sakura turned to the crowd.

"You can all go home now, drama over." She told them. The group slowly dispersed. Iruka reappeared with the tape just as the last people were leaving the village green. The three shinobi tacked up three layers of the white tape over the sign, until it was no longer able to flash at them.

"Well, that was an experience." Iruka said.

"Let's just hope the tape doesn't peel off by tomorrow." Sakura said, mentally prepared for the worst. At that moment, Ayame appeared, dragging a long table along with her. Her father appeared a moment later, also carrying a table, a tablecloth hanging around his neck. Kakashi went over to help out.

"Hi, Ayame." Iruka and Sakura greeted the woman as she got nearer. "Have you come to set up for the buffet?" Sakura asked.

"Yes!" Ayame grinned. "Dad's going to sort out the food while we're all in the ceremony, so that it's fresh for the guests." Sakura nodded.

"Good plan. Let's get these tables sorted out, then." They all set to work. An hour, and two collapsed table incidents later, the tables were standing upright, covered with a spotless white tablecloth. Sakura wondered cynically how long it would stay spotless for.

"Naruto's staying over at mine tonight, with the sand sib brothers." Kakashi told her as they admired their handiwork.

"Thanks for having them. And a word of warning: if Kankuro suggests you play I-Spy with him, run." Kakashi decided to take her advice.

When Sakura got home that evening, she was amazed at how calm everything was. Temari made her a drink, and the two girls sat watching the television and talking. At nine o' clock, Ino arrived, armed with a bag of make up and straightening irons.

"Hey everyone."

"Hi, Pig. Sit down." Sakura moved up on the couch.

"Before I do…Naruto told me to tell you…you know your DJ – DJ Killa, right?" Sakura nodded. "Well, it turns out he's a lethal assassin who has a grudge against the Kages. He was killed by the Raikage's men just a couple of hours ago to stop him from murdering you and Naruto tomorrow."

"Oh." Sakura did not know how to react. Her DJ had wanted to murder her and her fiancé, and now he was dead. "That means we have to find a DJ, right?" Ino shook her head.

"That's okay: Naruto saw an advert for DJ Shady, so he's booked him." Sakura gave a sigh of relief.

"DJ Shady won't be an assassin with a grudge who needs to be murdered at the last minute?" She asked, only half-joking.

"Let's just hope not." Ino sighed.

**XOXOX**

The day of the wedding dawned bright and early. Not early enough for Yamanaka Ino, however.

"Wake up! Wake up, it's half past seven already! We've overslept!" Ino yelled at Sakura and Temari, who rubbed their eyes blearily.

"Oh, I'm getting married to Naruto today. ARGH, I'm marrying Naruto in four hours!" Sakura yelled, sitting bolt upright.

"Mm-hm. So I suggest we hurry up."

Half an hour later, Tenten and Hinata arrived with their dresses. Hinata informed them she had dropped the cake off at the marquee on the way. Sakura nodded through a cloud of perfume, wielded by Ino and hairspray, spritzed liberally by Temari.

**XOXOX**

All the way across town, Hatake Kakashi pulled at his silver hair, which would soon turn pure white unless someone got Kankuro out of his apartment.

Kankuro, can't you just be normal for one day of your life?" Gaara shouted. Kakashi sighed, and went through to the bathroom, where Kankuro was stuck. He had put his right foot through Kakashi's floorboards, and could not remove it. Naruto was pulling hard, Gaara was yelling, while attempting Buddhist meditation to calm himself.

"You two go put your suits; I'll go get a saw." _And a large glass of sake. _He added silently. Kankuro gulped audibly. Kakashi ran for it.

**XOXOX**

"Okay, it's time!" Ino yelled excitedly.

"Do I look okay?" Sakura asked nervously. Hinata nodded.

"You look stunning." Temari told her, and Tenten agreed. Sakura smiled her thanks, and smoothed out her dress. Temari handed her the bouquet of cherry blossoms and golden and pink roses.

She stepped inside the church, to be greeted by Kakashi, who was giving her away. The entire contingent of guests turned to look at her, and Gai began playing the organ. Sakura looked at the man, wearing the conservative black tuxedo she had originally ordered for all the men.

"Gai?"

"The other organist died of a heart attack last night." Kakashi informed her. A badly off-key, freestyle version of 'Here Comes The Bride' blared from the organ as Sakura and Kakashi headed down the aisle to Naruto and the priest, followed by all the bridesmaids.

The tiny beads embroidered onto Sakura's flowing, white, strapless dress glinted in the light from the stained glass window. Sakura smiled widely as she pushed her gauzy veil back to see Naruto properly. Kakashi stood to the side. He was also doubling as the best man.

The rest of the ceremony went without a hitch, Naruto and Sakura exchanging vows, and sharing their first kiss as a married couple to a round of applause. They left the church to Gai's version of 'All Things Bright and Beautiful'.

"The wedding photos!" Genma declared, making everyone get into position, before producing a disposable camera.

"Kami help us." Sakura muttered to her new husband, who grinned.

"I take it you don't want an album made?" Genma contented himself using up the entire twenty-seven exposures on the camera, and the Hokage's wedding party headed off to the marquee on the village green, Anko half-heartedly clutching the bouquet Sakura had thrown.

They arrived at the marquee at ten to one. Sakura took a deep breath as she walked in. She had the feeling that things wouldn't get back to normal just yet.

She was relieved to see all of the buffet laid out, and the cake standing in the centre. It was sponge, decorated with creamy white icing, with a marzipan model of the bride and groom on the top layer.

"Yo, wassup man, it's DJ Shady in da building!" Sakura looked around for DJ Shady. His voice sounded rather familiar, even with its 'gangsta' overtone.

"Is that _Shino_?" Naruto gasped, pointing to the DJ's box. Sakura looked up. It appeared that DJ Shady was indeed Aburame Shino. A rap song came on, and Hinata glided over to the newlyweds, both staring in shock at the DJ's booth.

"Yes, Shino loves hip-hop music, so he decided to become a DJ for the week. Lucky it was the week of your wedding." Hinata smiled sweetly. Sakura groaned. _Lucky_ was one way to describe it. _Painfully embarrassing_ was another. Shino began talking over the track.

"Yo, ladies and gentlemen, I think it's time for da NEWLYWEDS to come and dance, yeah?" Everyone, who seemed to have accepted the fact that Shino was the DJ very quickly, cheered. Naruto and Sakura stepped onto the dancefloor, wondering what music would accompany their first dance as a married couple. Shino pressed play.

"_I'll take you to the candy shop,_  
_I'll let you lick the lollipop,  
Go ahead girl, don't you stop,  
Keep going till you hit the spot, whoa!_

_You can have it your way,  
How do you want it?_

_You gon' back that thing up or should I push up on it?  
Temperature rising…_"

Sakura and Naruto devised an impromptu street dancing routine.

"…_In the hotel or in the back of the rental,  
On the beach, in the park,  
It's whatever you into,  
Got the magic stick, I'm the love doctor…_"

Sakura was bright red. When they got to the second verse, everyone too surprised to join them on the dancefloor, she was close to keeling over. Naruto held her up.

"…_Give it to me baby,  
Nice and slow,  
Climb on top, ride like you in a rodeo…_"

It was soon over, to Sakura and Naruto's great relief. They escaped to the buffet, and went to sit down. Soon, everyone was seated, and once more, Shino spoke, this time over a hardcore dance track.

"It's time for da speeches, people. Show some love to The Hokage, yeah man! Rocking!" He switched the music off, and Naruto stood up.

"Well…I'm not too great at speeches, but I'd just like to thank everyone who's _helped…_That's DJ Shady…" He coughed. "...Kakashi-sensei, Gai, Neji, Hinata, the assistant at _Numataka and Sons_…everyone. And of course, Sakura." Everyone smiled at this. "Kami knows it hasn't been the easiest week of our lives, but we've got through it together, and I hope we get through everything else, too." Everyone clapped as their Hokage sat down.

"Illuminatin', man. Now how 'bout we get this joint rockin' with da Kazekage of Suna, yeah!" There was more applause, and Gaara stood.

"Right, on a more humorous note, do any of you know exactly how the Hokage and his assistant got together?"

"In Ichiraku?" Lee guessed. Gaara grinned.

"Good guess. But no. The Hokage was dictating a letter to his assistant when they got together." There was a pause, during which Sakura smacked Naruto around the head. "Now, I have this letter right here. Anyone want to hear it?"

Sakura and Naruto groaned. That letter had been…embarrassing…to say the least.

"I thought you said you didn't send it, dumbass!" Sakura hissed, not really cross with Naruto. He shrugged, grinning.

"We lived down _Candy Shop_, we can handle this."

"Dear Kazekage-sama," Gaara began. Five sentences in, the guests were in hysterics. Sakura sighed resignedly.

"Oh, why didn't why we just elope in Otogakure, and get some sane people, like Orochimaru and Kabuto, to organise the wedding?"


	2. SEQUEL OR NOT?

**Sequel?**

**Does "The Wedding Planners" need a sequel?**

**I'll write one if I get about four or five positive reviews.**

**The sequel would be focused on the immediate aftermath of the disastrous wedding (the honeymoon).**

**What do you think?**


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